Bruce Burgess, National Director of Peacewise Ministries says that Christian communities can get into trouble when they have no skills to understand conflict.

“It can become an unmanageable beast that no one wants to talk about, and no one knows how to talk about,” says Mr. Burgess.

“If a church community has a theology of conflict that understands conflict is not inherently sinful, and that it’s OK for us to have differences, and if they have the tools to be able to talk about things, and even have a common language to understand how to talk about conflict and that God is here in the midst of all our relationships, then they won’t think that conflict is an automatic disaster when it occurs.”

Different churches have different frameworks for dealing with conflict, but Burgess points to Jesus’ example in Matthew 18 as the model to follow, saying, “Jesus’ heart is for the restoration of relationships”.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matt 18:15-17).

It’s important for conflicts between congregation members and ministers to be aired in the appropriate context.

The Anglican Bishop of South Sydney Robert Forsyth says, “the lay person ought to sit down with the minister. Never write a letter, never send an email.

“Some disagreements are quite benign. But people often spiritualise the conflict far too quickly. They take sides, and often claim the higher theological ground”.

The response of the minister is critical to resolving the conflict. Bishop Forsyth says “the minister should have the humility to listen. This often solves many of the problems.

“The process [of resolving conflict] is often as important as the content [of the conflict].”

Sometimes churches will need a little outside help, because “the church has not been big on teaching people how to deal with the heart: things we fear, things we crave”. Sometimes outsiders can help individuals walk through the process of addressing things that have become hard idols and helping them to know God’s forgiveness.

“God doesn’t call us to change people, that’s beyond our ability to do. That’s actually God’s role.”

Burgess says instead, “what we can do is be faithful in obedience to how God calls us to deal with conflict situations when they arise, and if we’ve done that then we’ve done everything that God’s called us to do”.