Nicky and Sila Lee, the founders of Relationship Central and Pastors at Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB), London, are touring the country with Alpha Australia from 20th-31st of October.
The Lees, married for over thirty years with four children and four grandchildren, have led a large Anglican church for eight years and are part of the leadership team at HTB in central London, where Nicky is Associate Vicar.
Nicky and Sila believe that helping people strengthen relationships – in preparing for marriage, marriage itself, and parenting – is something that Christians can offer people in their communities. They started The Marriage Preparation Course in 1985 and The Marriage Course in 1996. There are now approximately 4550 Marriage Courses and 1150 Marriage Preparation Courses being run in 109 countries. There is also The Parenting Children Course (for children aged 0-10) and The Parenting Teenagers Course (children aged 11-18).
“The courses are very practical,” says Sila. “Our passion is that the church really has something to offer people at a practical level, especially on relationships.”
Sila says that when they began running the marriage preparation course, it soon filled up with people from outside the church. “It’s one of the most exciting things we’ve ever experienced. Almost immediately we had three couples in our home. Very quickly we had people say, ‘Can we bring a friend who doesn’t come to church?’”
“There are so many people around who want help with relationships,” says Nicky. “Many people who are not interested in exploring the Christian faith are very interested in doing something to strengthen their relationships.”
“Before we knew it, half the course members, on average, were from outside the church.”
Now, the Lees run the Marriage Preparation Course three times a year, with 120-160 guests each time, with around half from outside the church. And while the courses are practical rather than evangelistic, there is a natural flow through to the evangelistic Alpha course. Nicky says,“Every course that we run we say, ‘this is a practical course based on Christian principles’. We point to the Alpha course and encourage couples to work out what they do believe, so they can pass it on to their children.”
“The marriage preparation course is often people’s first experience of the church,” says Sila. “Claire and David, for example, invited their friends who had just got engaged to the course. They came back about six months later and had their first child baptised, began attending the services, and both of them accepted Christ.”
Nicky adds, “There was a Muslim couple who were in trouble in their marriage. The Marriage Course made a big difference for them, so they came to our Parenting Children course. From there, they got involved in children’s church.”
Nicky and Sila have many stories of transformation that have taken place in the courses over the last twenty five years.
“In 2007 Richard and Zoe, who were lapsed Christians, came to do the course when they’d been married for three and a half years. They had a little girl who was one, but had been separated for nine months,” says Sila.
“Zoe heard about the course and thought it would be a last chance for them to get back together; she didn’t expect it, but Richard said yes. Really, Richard saw it as a last resort – he knew he had to have a complete heart change. During Session 2, which is on communication, they realised they were very bad at communicating; they didn’t talk about their feelings or talk to each other. Richard said he was particularly bad at talking about his feelings. After the first evening on the course, he began talking about his feelings more than he ever had.
“By the end of the course, their marriage was restored. It was so exciting to see that transformation; the ripple that goes out is infinite…the impact for good goes out and out,” Sila reflects. Nicky adds, “Richard and Zoe renewed their faith; faith is at the centre.”
Every since they got married, Nicky and Sila have been passing on what they know. “It’s a progression through the years,” says Nicky. “We’ve always sought to learn from wherever we are and whoever we meet. Every course we run we learn from others, when couples come to share with us.”
Sila says that she would encourage ‘absolutely anyone’ who has a passion for strengthening marriages and family life to get involved in leading a course. “God has filled his church with people like this. It’s so exciting to see how He gives them this desire to help and strengthen other people.”
Sila recalls one couple who did both the marriage preparation and the marriage course two years later. “They really learnt so much; he came from a divorced family and he had no model to go by.” The couple went on to help with the Marriage Preparation course as a support couple, and then ran the course for their friends and family in their home. “Only four couples fit in their home, but they loved it! They were very good hosts, and the work was done by the DVDs. This is the model that we encourage, and we know it’s happening. Very small courses running in homes, hosted and led by ordinary married couples. No further qualifications are needed.”
Nicky describes the courses as, “Putting a tool into the hands of those who are looking for an opportunity to serve.”
Nicky and Sila are looking forward to visiting Australia and meeting people who have been running the courses. “We hear a lot of stories and get to meet people whose lives have been impacted. We also love meeting people who want to know how these courses can be tools to reach out into their communities. If we can see even one course get off the ground, we know how much of a difference that can make.”
Nicky and Sila will be speaking at several training events and church services in Melbourne, Geelong, Brisbane & Sydney while in Australia during October. Visit www.alphafriends.org.au for full dates and venues.
Header image: flickr_Tampa Band Photos
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