Almost every Australian school has had reports of ‘sexting’. Ninety-three per cent of males and 62 per cent of females aged 13 to 16 have seen pornography online. By age 15, 70 per cent of boys and girls will be sexually experienced. By age 18, that number increases to 88 per cent.*

For parents, these facts are scary. For teenagers, they’re reality – the norm. It’s why, in partnership with youth site, Fervr, Christian sex therapist Patricia Weerakoon has written her new book.

According to the book’s publishers, Youthworks, Teen Sex by the Book is “frank and, in parts, explicit. It’s a raw and honest journey into the teen world, exploring the ‘taboo’ topics, such as the effect of porn on the brain, sexting, cybersex and homosexuality.”

“Above all,” writes Weerakoon to her teenage audience, the book “calls you to consider who you are and what you stand for, and to join young people everywhere in God’s new sexual revolution.”

“We invite you to discover how God’s countercultural lifestyle leads to healthy, pleasurable sex and intimate, satisfying relationships that last a lifetime.”

This is an extract from Teen Sex By the Book. A longer extract will be published in the October edition Eternity Newspaper.

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I wasn’t dating or anything, and I was curious as to how other people see my body … so I took some pictures and sent them to my friend, Fred Eve

This guy, Fred, had four pictures of a naked girl and was showing them to everybody in the classroom. Jim

Why is sexting dangerous?

Eve and Jim’s stories are repeated all over the teenage world. Pictures are sent in trust to a friend or lover who is not trustworthy or, for that matter, loving. The actions that follow are manipulative, cruel and downright destructive. Eve now has a reputation; boys will see her as ‘easy’ or even a ‘slut’. What about Fred? He might now be considered ‘the class stud’ but he is building up his self-esteem through another person’s pain.

While we might think of sexting as between two people—the sender and receiver—it is almost never limited to that. Unlike a physical one-to-one intimacy, pictures and statements in cyberspace are there forever. They can be shared, and often are. This can happen at the time they are sent or much later when a couple break off a relationship—often as an act of revenge or jealousy. Further, messages and pictures online leave a digital signature that can be traced. Unlike physical intimacy, which is of the moment, sexual messages and pictures can turn up much later in the sender’s and receiver’s life.

If you have seen some explicit photos being passed around, you are probably feeling uncomfortable right now, and rightly so. As a Christian, you know that all people should be treated with kindness and love. In Matthew 22:37–40, Jesus says:

‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

This is what you test your actions against: Is this the way you would like to be treated? Think about it. It’s also important to know that, in most countries, the possession of sexually explicit images of minors is currently an offence; it is viewed as a form of child pornography. If the person in the photograph is underage, it may even get you put on the sex offenders register. You need to realise that sexual images should be deleted immediately and never re-transmitted.

Our bodies, especially those parts involved in sex, are special because they are created by God, complementary in structure and function, for pleasure and procreation in the loving bond of marriage. As it was for Adam and Eve, being unashamedly naked is a sign of trust in another person; you trust that they won’t betray or ridicule your body or your behaviour—that they are committed to your happiness rather than their own.

If you love another person, then you will never ask them to do anything that is potentially demeaning or degrading. As Paul told the Corinthians:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4–7)

Examine the motives of the sender and receiver of sexual images and sexual texts in the Eve and Fred scenarios. Do these even remotely fit the trust and other-focussed love of the relationships God intends for us?

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Teen Sex By the Book is available from www.fervr.net/teen-sex-by-the-book. RRP—$14.95.

* Research as highlighted in Teen Sex By the Book.

Featured image: sxc.hu/nms_007