Almost every couple – Christian or not – will feel the impact of pornography on their marriage at some point, says Christian sexologist Patricia Weerakoon. If not between them, they will undoubtedly see the impact on their children.

And, according to Weerakoon, the impact could be even greater now that pornography is no longer seen as ‘just for men’.

“I’m seeing more women who are really into erotica, almost compulsively,” she says. “It’s fantasy, and it’s ugly fantasy.”

Women fantasise a lot in everyday life, says Weerakoon. “We like imagining things. It’s a very female thing. It’s why so many women read Mills and Boon.”

But it’s when Mills and Boon become more than just imagination and start tapping into the formation of desire that problems can arise. And while there’s no empirical evidence as yet for the psychological effect of pornography and erotic literature on women, Weerakoon says there is almost no doubt that it is harmful.

“There’s always a gorgeous super hero who comes and sweeps the woman away. There’s these body-ripping sexual encounters; the woman is super submissive. You can almost see satan in it. The beauty of Godly male leadership twisted to be an abusive man. And the submission of a woman to her mate portrayed as a helpless longing to be used and denigrated. You can see how easily these things can be twisted. And Fifty Shades of Grey, and books of that genre do that beautifully.”

Fifty Shades of Grey is a book Weerakoon refused to buy, instead putting her name on the 20-person deep waiting list at her local library so knew what many of the women she counsels have been reading (“There was no way I was going to spend money on this book!”).

“There’s this guy who’s super rich, with a dark past. He has an attic which he uses as a bondage-style disciplinary place. Then you’ve got the innocent journalist, who’s stupid and so in love with him that she thinks she can change him. And they way she tried to do that is to allow him to do all these things to her.”

“How many husbands do you know who have bondage or disciplinary appliances in their cupboards?” she asks.

“Yet, if that is how you get aroused, a normal male is not going to arouse you any more. So you’ll start fantasizing while you’re making love to your spouse. That’s not healthy either!”

According to Weerakoon, the type of fantasy encouraged in the new style of erotic literature does similar things to women as internet pornography in a more visual style does to men.

“It leads to an unrealistic, fantasy life – you won’t desire normality. It happened to many men, and it’s what will happen to women, the more they get into this type of literature.”

Patricia Weerakoon has been speaking to Eternity as part of a series on the top sexual issues in marriage. But she says after the “early marriage hump”, where ‘sex-pectation’ can impact Christian couples who have abstained from sex, the sexual issues experienced by Christian and non-Christian couples are relatively the same.

“Porn is the biggest problem now, with the greatest impact on both Christian and non-Christian marriages. Think about it, the average age at which porn is first viewed is now 11-13 years. What effect is that having on our brains?”

Patricia Weerakoon’s Teen Sex By The Book (published by Fervr) is now available. Written for teenagers 15 to 19, it’s a frank and honest exploration about sexuality and relationships, exploring the topics of  sexual desire and arousal, falling in love and dating. For more information, click here.