Both Antony and Glen have a good understanding of what marriage is from the Bible, yet both found themselves struggling with life and with their marriages.

“I had a good theology of marriage and headship in a marriage, but the outworking of that wasn’t godly,” says Antony, who works as a fire fighter with Fire Rescue NSW. “Our marriage wasn’t typically ‘bad’. But I couldn’t work out why my friendship with my wife Sam was deteriorating. I really needed to learn what it is to love my wife and my family as Jesus loved the church. I needed to learn what it really means to love sacrificially.”

Glen, who works as an IT manager, found himself in a similar situation. Facing financial difficulties, he was looking around in desperation for a Christian man who could advise him. Eventually, he was referred to a Christian who had experience helping people through such issues. What resulted from that consulting relationship affected his whole life, including and most particularly his marriage.

“My wife Renee and I got married very young; I was 21 and she was 19. I didn’t know what it was like to be self sufficient and manage myself. I saw my wife as being stronger than I, and I allowed her to address the issues that arose in our life. All the while, she would have loved me to take the lead; but I didn’t know how. I had never seen it modelled. So I just focused on my work, and on a side business, which eventually led us into trouble and the loss of a lot of money.”

“I was really struggling, and I found that the most common help I’d get was offers of prayer, or a recommendation to talk to another man who really couldn’t help me. Where was the practical help? When I first began to be mentored, a lot of practical aspects of my life and marriage got called out.

“My responsibility as a man, and my accountability, were all brought into focus. I learnt that being a husband and a father is not a religious list of ‘dos and don’ts’ ; it’s an absolute joy to be given the responsibility of a family, and one of God’s daughters as a wife. It’s a privilege, not a punishment, to have input into your children’s life. The discipling I had gave me the conviction to do so much more, to support and encourage my wife. I learnt that Renee’s problems aren’t just hers; they’re for me to help her work through. Stewardship was another big lesson I needed to learn.”

Recently, Antony and Glen went with men from their church, Toongabbie Baptist Church in New South Wales, to a screening of the movie Courageous. “The movie brought together a lot of the stuff we’d been learning over the last years. A lot of the guys we saw it with were moved by it, but responded with comments like ‘I could never do that though’, or ‘I’m failing’. The movie really hit some raw nerves, but we looked around and thought, ‘where are the resources to help these men’?”

This need prompted Antony and Glen to create the Men of Courage website. The goal of the website is to provide resources for men who are seeking to become godly leaders in their families.

Antony is honest about the changes in his marriage. “My wife Sam was asked some questions about how I was going as a husband and father, and I was called to account on all of them. I didn’t understand how I was leading was impacting my family. I stopped worrying about what my wife was doing, and focused on how I’m leading and loving like Christ.”

“I got the lesson about what it means to love sacrificially, and my marriage changed completely. I probably do less housework now!” he laughs, “But that wasn’t the issue. I was trying to do a lot of stuff, but I wasn’t leading my family well spiritually. I’ve recently been convicted that I am the pastor of my family. How I disciple my wife and children is important; God has entrusted that to me.”

This kind of leadership, Antony explains, means finding out where his wife and children are really at, and bringing their concerns to God in prayer together. “I never really considered that was the reality of my responsibility as a dad,” he says. “It’s a privilege, not a job description; it’s not a chore, or a tick off a task list.”

Antony and Glen’s experiences have shown them how important loving rebuke and accountability are in the life of a Christian man. “It’s hard to hear, ‘brother you’re not doing what God’s asked you to do,’” says Glen. “But when you hear that from someone who loves you, it makes all the difference.”

“There are a lot of resources out there for Christian women, on how to be a better wife and mother,” Glen says. “But if a dad’s doing what he should be – if the man is leading, loving, teaching and protecting his family – a lot of issues addressed in those resources for women would already be fixed. If men are not challenged and equipped to be Christian leaders in their home, the problems remain.”

Glen and Antony have experienced the turnaround that being challenged and held accountable can bring; and this is how they are seeking to use the Men of Courage website. “Someone called us on some stuff in our lives, in love, and held us accountable. We’re hoping we can use the website as one avenue of doing that for others.”

Antony, with Glen’s assistance, has been scouring the web for helpful videos, articles, and conversations to put on the site. They have also been writing their own experiences. They want to encourage men not to settle for average. “Men tend to do this,” says Glen. “In areas of sloth, being lazy, with porn and spending time preoccupied with technology rather than being with their kids. We want to encourage men to take little steps.”

Antony adds, “Men often don’t want to own the problems within their families. But a problem within my household is my problem. That’s one of the biggest things I saw in the Courageous movie; that I need to take responsibility. And this website is a way of equipping men to live what the movie has called out.”

“The principles in the movie are universal,” says Glen, though admitting that the movie is very culturally American in some ways. “All the problems and solutions are based on the Bible’s teaching. But we are Australian guys, and we want to encourage Australian Christian men. Where are the men, where are the leaders we can look up to?”

Practically speaking, Glen and Antony advise Christian men to beware of pride. “If you can’t deal with pride,” Glen says, “you can’t deal with anything else. You’ve got nowhere to go.” Antony agrees, “Being teachable is really important.”

“If you want a strong marriage, the number one thing to start with is to prayerfully ask God for help with the things that aren’t right,” advises Glen. Sit down with your wife and talk to her about how you’re going as a husband and father. Have humility to find out where you’re falling short. Listen without responding defensively.”

Antony adds, from his own experience, “Spend some time looking at Jesus as a man, and finding out who he really and truly is. Who was he has a man? He wasn’t some guy with flowers flying out of his skirt! He was a real man who was tender, kind and cared for people; he cried. Then apply what you learn from Jesus. Ask for feedback from those you’re responsible for and then, be willing to change.”

Visit the Men of Courage website: www.menofcourage.com.au